Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Misgivings About The Democratic Candidates

Here's what I don't like about the Democrats, who I very grudgingly count myself among:

We're running either a black man or a woman. That means that even if we lose, we get to feel good about ourselves. Either way, our self-respect and our pride are covered. We've got an insurance policy on our egos. What we don't have is a ruthless strategy for winning. We're prioritizing great television and our own feelings over political strategy and success.

The last time we made this choice, we lost.

I would feel so much better about the Democratic candidates if we were going to be feeling a sort of sick guilty sensation about what we had to do to win. Because that's what success in politics feels like. Politics is not a place where you win by feeling good about yourself. You don't get a law degree and a political career by hugging teddy bears. Lawyers are fighters. The whole job of a lawyer is to fight. They fight in the courts, wearing suits, but they are above and beyond all other concerns fundamentally people who fight each other for a living.

When you elect somebody, you're hiring somebody to fight for you. I don't want a good-looking, well-educated, charming, well-spoken black man to fight for me. I want a do-dirt nigga who'll kick a motherfucker in their balls. Because that's what the Republicans bring us every time. They might be bringing us white do-dirt niggas, but a do-dirt nigga is a do-dirt nigga. We win elections and they still take power! Obama is great, but when the Republicans are setting rows of men armed with shotguns between black people and their polling places, like they did in 2000, winning the black vote doesn't mean a whole lot. These motherfuckers are criminals, and they are raping our political process. The US government doesn't even allow the United Nations to send voting inspectors to observe our elections any more.

Obama wrote a book called The Audacity Of Hope, but it might make more sense to talk about The Wankery Of Upper-Class Delusional Self-Indulgence. I got to shake Obama's hand, and it was a thrill. I get the same thrill of optimism as most people from Obama. But I can totally see people smiling and remembering how the Democrats lost in 2008, and saying, "but what a great time we had." And I know that there are plenty of people who believe that America isn't ready for a black president, and many of those people who believe that thing are black people who can't even get seated at a family restaurant.

I mean, let's face it, they would know. All this talk about is America ready for a black president is just ridiculous when there are little black kids wondering when America will be ready to sell them some tater tots and let them sit down.

A year ago I posted that the Democrats never win the presidency unless they run white men from the South. Let's quit sucking our own dicks and run a white man from the South. Let's just do what it takes to win, for once. Is that really so hard?

Since that post last year, the amazing, kick-ass candidate who was a white man from the South has dropped out of the race, mainly because the media consistently ignored him, and we've got a really close nomination race. We're either going for a black President and a female VP, or the other way around. We might lose, but it'll be a precedent-setting election. (Like that's supposed to mean something.)

Meanwhile, the suicide rate among US soldiers is five attempts per day, and if your son kills himself in Iraq, the Army won't even count him among the casualties of war. And nobody even wants to know about the Iraqi casualties.

That's what's going on while the Democrats are mounting a "fun" campaign which is guaranteed to be "historic" and make you feel like some kind of hero even if your team loses. That's horribly irresponsible. As angry as anyone who loses a family member to suicide in Iraq might be at "President" Bush, as angry as any crippled Iraqi 11-yr-old or his anguished father might be at "President" Bush, they should be more angry at the Democratic Party, who took historic wins in 2006 over anti-war outrage and then refused to even consider impeachment.

What's really amazing about all this is that nobody seems worried about the possibility of election fraud, despite the precedent set in 2000 and even though election officials in the election-deciding state of Ohio recently went to jail for election fraud perpetrated during the 2004 election. We're supposed to believe that the same people who seized power illegally two Presidential elections in a row will just somehow roll over and play by the rules this time.

I hope Obama wins. I really do. But I wish we weren't running him. I'm sick and tired of this crap. We're up against people with a proven history of election fraud. Do we chart out a strategy for preventing election fraud? Or do we chart out a strategy for feeling like elections really, really matter, even though we know we can win the election and still not take power?

Is that not the most pathetic type of CYA behavior the world has ever witnessed?

What are we preparing for?

Cui bono?

Sometimes I think Democrats deserve Republicans. But the rest of us deserve something better.

(Sorry about all the negativity, but they put CNN on in my gym every morning. I'm looking for another gym.)