Wednesday, December 1, 2010

New iPad App Includes Highly Original Guarantee

Andrew Burke, creator of Remembary, an iPad diary, is supremely confident his app will never lose your entries - so much so that he guarantees it. In fact, if Remembary eats any of your diary/journal entries, Andrew will personally write fictional ones for you to use instead, and as a bonus, he'll make them even more interesting than your real life.

I couldn't pass up an opportunity like that, so I immediately requested a sample replacement set of diary entries, and Andrew was happy to oblige:

Friday November 12, 2010

Today, I'm going to stay awake only with the sunlight. When the sun drops, I drop. It'll be more natural that way. Spent the day writing Lisp in JavaScript. As usual whenever I write too much Lisp, it becomes self-aware and starts getting in my face, making its own damned refactoring suggestions. This one's just a server app, so it's not as funky as the musical ones that came out of Archeopteryx - it just obsesses over efficiency and speed all the time. Finally needed to shut it up because I was having trouble keeping focussed, so I ran it on Internet Explorer 6, which scared it straight. Fell asleep at 9:30, since it was already dark. Should have started this daylight thing in the summer. Maybe I can move to Alaska and stay up all through June and sleep through December.


Saturday November 13, 2010

Woke up at 2:30 in the morning. Dozed until 7 because what’s the point of getting up at 2? Did more Lisp in JavaScript work today. Whenever it looked like it might be getting sentient again, I pointed it to Wikipedia and Jimmy Wales' cold, soul-eating stare shut it up good. Having a lot of trouble focusing - keep hitting Twitter and finding assholes who need telling. Went to acting class and Megan Fox was there - since she got kicked out of the next Transformers movie, she's back to finding a good monologue and head-shot and trying out for commercials and community theatre. Told her I might have a gig for her. After class speed-walked up and down a hillside for an hour or so, building up my legs of steel.


Sunday November 14, 2010

Spent the day making music. Seeing how much I can do just with just the iPad. Noticed something on the porch so went out to see what it was and it was Yehuda Katz. I couldn't tell if he had a home or was trying to move in or what. I let him come in - although I warned him I wasn't doing much Rails 3 these days. He seemed happy enough on my couch, although he later let himself out and chased the squirrels around the back yard - not very successfully though. He disappeared soon after that - must have gone back home or something.

Still needed to work on my focus, so I went down to Intelligentsia Coffee. Since my sleep schedule is now synced to the daylight, coffee doesn't wake me up as much as it just provides super brain power. Didn't even sit down - instead I wrote up a shell script for distraction-free GMail, while flooring the place with my popping and locking to the choice hip-hop on the PA.

Had to stop early and hurry home before the sun went down. Feel like a reverse vampire. Had enough time to do a few runs up and down the steep hill steps. While dodging a bearded hipster in one of those stupid gear-less bikes I came up with a killer idea for an iPad app - maybe I'll try to find a few cheap devs to work on it for me. Looking for something with a text box - maybe a diary program, perhaps one that automatically includes Twitter and RSS feeds. Nah, that's a stupid idea.


Monday November 15, 2010

Woke up and found my cell phone in the fridge. I guess I shouldn't have tried running that Lisp/JavaScript on it - it must have become sentient in the middle of the night and tried to steal my kale stash, but got caught inside.

Megan Fox came by today, to help me concentrate on my node.js work. Every 8 minutes or so, I'm having her jump into my office wearing a BSD booth babe red devil outfit, with an In-n-Out burger in one hand and a .357 magnum in the other. Really helped me stay off Twitter and Hacker News and focus on work.

Asked her if she's available this coming week - if I can stay off Twitter long enough to build my new custom annoyance-filtering and mass-blocking client, it'll make my life and the world a better place. She said she had some auditions next week - one for a littering Public Service Announcement, and another one for a Pentecostal dinner-theatre show - but if those didn't work out, she'd totally be up for it. It sure beats waiting tables. I've rigged up an Arduino system that notices if any of my devices try to hit Reddit, Hacker News, or Twitter, and turns on an alarm light that calls in Megan - and I've told her that if it goes on more than three times in a day to start using that revolver.

And oh yeah, para-fucking-diddles.